I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize