i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
