i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
