I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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