the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
