Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
