Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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