I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
