You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
