apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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