I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I bet he comes in French.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
