In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
