The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
