I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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