So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
