i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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