i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
