If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize