I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
