I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They took my balls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
