u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
