why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
