Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
