dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
