So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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