I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
