i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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