wrigley field is MILF paradise
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
