Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
