I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
