My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck me I smell like cheese
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
