So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
