I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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