Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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