so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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