Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
