somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Two words: nipple clamps
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