porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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