i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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