all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
