chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
