I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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