Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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