Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
