I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
