Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
