You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
