Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize