Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
