Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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