Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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