You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
