She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
