My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
