he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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