i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
