Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
