after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize