Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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