Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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