I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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