i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
