How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
