She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
