singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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