I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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