Are we in a gay sports bar?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
