Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
