This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
