Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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