yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
