there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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