i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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