the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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