this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
