Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your dad touched me again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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